You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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