Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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