I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
