So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
