So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
