Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
