if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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