This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
