just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
