so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
