Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
