I just made out with a guy for $7.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
