Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She bit a glass in half.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize