yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
