So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize