remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dick very happy bro
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize