i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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