dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize