You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
