Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
