this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
