I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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