There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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