my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
