I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize