I think im going to throw up on grandma
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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