sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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