Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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