upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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