broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just gift wrapped bread.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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