The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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