My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dear god my vagina.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
