Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
