Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
