I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
