Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize