its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
