I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
