Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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