dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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