girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
