I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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