Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
