You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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