dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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