quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
