my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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