just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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