I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
