I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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