why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
