Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
