I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
