I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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