I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
