So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
