Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
