well I can't set my house on fire every night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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