great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
