Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
