Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
