i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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