I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
