he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
