this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
