nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize