i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
