I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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