Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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