I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
