I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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