remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize