Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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