when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
