my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
