talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
