it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
