THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
